Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Romance and Islam

I have been bombarded with lots of questions from my friends since I left my past behind, everyone thinks that when you turn to religion life becomes boring… All good Muslims do is fight, say this is forbidden and that is forbidden. One of my friends asked me what is your idea of Romance since you started to take your religion seriously. I told him nothing much has changed since I chose the path I am on, its just that few changes here and there sort out everything for me…. Then I had to give him an example to make him understand few things and I thought of sharing it with you all…..

Idea of a Romantic evening 2005 – (My Past Thoughts)

Occasion: A Romantic Date
Intention: Love or ……….
Date: Girlfriend – illegal, maybe temporary
Location: The Beach
Time: 8 pm full Moon
Background music: Violin
Dinner: Italian
Drinks: Wine – intoxicates, may lead you to something which you can regret later.

Idea of a Romantic Evening 2007 plus (my future thoughts)

Occasion: A Romantic Date
Intention: Love and Respect
Date: Wife – some one legal and a person you will spend the rest of your life with
Location: the beach
Time: 8 pm Full Moon
Background music: Sound of waves – Natural sound of water is by far romantic then someone playing violin at least you get to be alone…total privacy
Dinner: Italian or Arabic does it matter when you have a beautiful someone to share your food with
Drinks: Anything Virgin- At least they will keep you in your senses

So who says a good Muslim can’t be a romantic, it’s just that the mind set changes from illegal to legal. In fact it’s more rewarding to be romantic with your wife than your girl friend. With your wife you think of a long term relationship and romance helps you grow in a relationship further, with girlfriends it’s vice versa all romance in the beginning of your relationship and later complaining about not being romantic anymore.

If you compare between my past thoughts when I was not so good Muslim and Present when I am trying to be one, you won’t find much of a difference. Whatever difference you may find will make that romantic evening even better.

Place, location, full moon, food, and ideas nothing change, what changes is rights and wrongs. I wish people stop assuming things and stop taking people on face value, behind that veil and a beard are humans as every one is.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finallay, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Halaa."

Romance does play a very important part in a good muslims life


Keefieboy said...

So why is it that I am not allowed to hold hands with my wife or kiss her in a public place in an Islamic country? I've never understood that (rule/custom/law?).

Stained said...

nice post......

A Blessing in Tragedy said...

That is actually a cultural thing. It isnt done culturally in the UAE. you can kiss hold hands blah blah with your wife in say... Indonesia, the most populace muslim country. Once again, MUCH of islam is cultural or geographically driven.

I like this blog (to blog owner) I also was not the best muslim... and I probably am not the greatest even now, but I am much better and continue to grow. I agree with this post whole heartedly. things like drinking, smoking, and big boobed women that will screw anyone will come and they will go, but true romance, integrity, love, and Swedish death metal are staples of life, even for muslims. ;-) Please keep the good blogs coming.

yours in joy and sorrow,


Fahad said...

@Keefie Boy : Islamically and morally you should not make out in public, you cant just go to carre four and start making out.... Cause whatever relationship you share with your wife should be kept private,signs of affections should be kept in the circles of decency..Husband and wife relationship is a highly respected relationship, as people come with different mindsets and its not written on a couples forehead that they are married, they may disrespect and not understand your affection, instead they may get influenced by all those making out activities and commit indecent acts themselves, so to give more respect and dignity to the relationship and keep other people in a normal frame of mind,every human being is advised to keep affections in private and any indecent act is not allowed anywhere in UAE or majority of Countries ... there should be difference between humans and animals and on the other hand holding hands with your wife is not a problem at all, if a husband supports his wife and guides his wife in a croweded place..its totally acceptable....

@Stained : Thanks For passing by

@ A blessing.... :thanks for your comments and i hope you become a good muslim, i would like to point out something which isnt decent enough in your comment. dont take me wrong i liked your comment but we shouldnt degrade Women even if they do things which are not decent enough, men are no less its just that you cant give a degrading description of a women...Islam respects women and you never know the kind of women you mentioned my become a better human being or a muslim thn you and me are..Allah guides people and once they are guided their pasts are forgiven ..no matter how disgusting they have been or immoral they have been... try to invite people with your goodness , if you find people who do such stuff try to be nice to them and try to change things if not then let them be what they are.... Allah Chooses His believers so we have certain authority with other human beings, we shouldnt take it further then that... I hope you dont misunderstand my point .. its just an brotherly advice..please keep coming back take care

Travelling Stranger said...

Nice post mate. There are many examples of romance between the Prophet -pbuh- and his wives.

Creation said...

Okay, that was funny! "...I don't like yours either."

I’ve always believed if your love is for the sake of Allah, it shall never die. As Allah is Ever-Living!

Hot Lemon& Honey said...

what a topic :)
I guess love, sex and romance are issues we tend to avoid talking about when it comes to religion. So I am glad you brought it up.
Great post.

Keefieboy said...

Islamically and morally you should not make out
'Make out'? I'm not talking about having sex with my wife in public - I'm talking about an affectionate kiss (not a frenchie), a hug, general stuff that is perfectly normal in the west.

whatever relationship you share with your wife should be kept private

Some of it, yes, of course. But we love each other and we want to express that love.

its not written on a couples forehead that they are married

No, but the gold ring on the third finger of the left hand is a bit of a clue.

instead they may get influenced by all those making out activities and commit indecent acts themselves

Ah, the famous complete lack of self-control.

Fahad said...

@Keefieboy : Frenchie is definetly not allowed ....a hug and general holding hands is allowed a long its done in decency ...i have been in dubai for 30 years i havent come across any husband and wife being caught for hugging or holding hands...and about kissing arabs usually greet you with a kiss thats on a cheek if you have noticed nobody catches you for that....

Showing affection is always better in private, why advertize your affection in Public, which can be of any type..

and about rings most of the muslims dont wear a wedding ring....rings are cultural and they dont represent marraige in Islam...

And besides the point ...every country has its own law, western countries have thier own, nudity and sex is allowed in some western countries, so ever affection between a couple is simply not allowed here...so keep islam aside for a while if government gives you to follow a law i think we should respect it even if it goes against our way of living ...if we dont agree to it then we shouldnt live in a country.

If you look at Islamic countries and western countries you would definetly see a difference...you can compare them morally....but in the end it all depends on what you call moral and immoral...everyone has their own opinion of freedom of expression..good or bad..anyways thanks for your comments

Fahad said...

@ travelling stranger: yah there a lot but i just mentioned few or would have gone very long..

@ Creation.. yah it is funny, and so very true

@hot lemon & honey : yah muslims dont speak about it much and i think it very important part of our religion nothing to be ashamed of...ill be writing something more on it in future

thanks to everyone for your comments...keep passing by :)

Bemused said...

Mashallah nice blog... Its a shame that some people didnt catch your points or maybe they just didnt want to.

Bemused said...

MashAllah nice blog... Its a shame that some people didnt 'get' you or maybe they didnt want to.

Fahad said...

@ Bemused : thanks for the visit...well what can you say about people :) i appreciate you understood the point thanks

Anonymous said...

Fahad, your blog is very interesting. I recently picked up a Koran and started reading it, I found it interesting and insightful. Reading the Koran makes me want to be a better person and more in touch with my spiritual side, what scares me is the complete surrender to Allah's will and fundamental Muslim believes such as being a Martyr. I thought seriously about becoming a Muslim but only practiced certain beliefs and never shared them with anyone. The Koran mentions Allah chooses the worthy and guides who he wishes. What advice can you give me as a Muslim regarding my disagreement with certain Muslim beliefs?

shanzzzy said...

heya sirrrrrrrrr,
way 2 gu sir ,iam proud of u az i hve someway r the other known ya for mayb 7 yrz now and saw da big time chng.....pray tht smday all of us vl for gud inshallah!!!!
thnzx for wivez izzat az most of our very own paki men dnt du it!!!

Fahad said...

thnks for the comment shanzy ...please let me know how do u know me ?

shanzzzy said...

hmmmm..da tallest khan woman u kno nt gal anymore !!!!!

Fahad said...

yah i found out :) thanks for visiting my blog

Anonymous said...

thanks,Fahad,it's insightful.

Anonymous said...

But the question here is...why cant i date someone when I'm young? If God created these feelings then there must be a justification for them? And in order to find my soulmate, i need to get to know him/her better as a friend, get close to him/her, let the natural process of falling in love take place? thats the process..i dont get this whole thing with just doing things with the wife...dont u have to know a person as a good friend before u fall in love before you get married? so why is my religion against this? it's really confusing and makes me feel really guilty..it kills me

Ifrah said...

Assalamualaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,
"I wish people stop assuming things and stop taking people on face value, behind that veil and a beard are humans as every one is."
Ameen to that..
Brillaint post...