A Friend Asked

A friend asked:

Hi! I'm curious again to know a couple of things. 1.) How come in our religion it says to attendPeople’s funerals, it's very important? Why? 2.) Sunni's do not allow the woman to attend theBurial site, why? Shiites permit woman to attend, butI was informed several months ago that Sunnis do notPermit a woman to ever attend. Why is that? Are womenSeen as too evil and dirty to attend or they're tooFragile and sensitive to attend???

I would like to answer these questions in the simplest of answers because if you get in details it may lead to confusion. May Allah help me give the right answer.. Ameen

Firstly, in our religion it is important to attend funeral prayers as the Prophet (Pbuh) said:
“The rights of one Muslim over another Muslim are six… When you meet him, you greet him with the salaam (i.e. to say: “As-Salamu alaykum”), when he invites you, you accept his invitation, when he consults you in a matter, you give him sincere advice, when he sneezes and praises God, you ask God to have mercy on him, when he is sick, you visit him, and when he passes away you accompany him (through his funeral).” Related by Abu Hurayra in Saheeh Bukhari

In this Prophetic narration; we find that the Muslim is encouraged with concern for his brother in Islam during the three phases of his worldly existence: his health, sickness and his death.
Whilst in good health, the Muslim is obliged to greet his brother in faith with the greetings of peace and protection, to accept his invitations and to give him sincere advice.

Then, when the Muslim is suffering from a cold, an allergy or whatever else is causing him to sneeze, his brother in Islam is obliged to ask God to have mercy on him. Likewise, when the Muslim’s sickness is such that he is incapacitated, his brother in Islam is obliged to visit him.
Finally, when the Muslim passes away from this life, his brother in faith is obliged to accompany his funeral procession, prayer and burial.

Islam is a very logical religion in itself, if you see the logical and moral reasons for attending a funeral you would notice that if a person attends a funeral, there are all benefits and no harm at all:

Few Reasons:

You give respect to the dead and pray for his soul to rest in peace
You show brotherhood with a person even if he rest in peace
You bond with the family of the deceased and give them strength.
You remember your own death which has to come, so you can prepare for it.

So Allah, who is the most Merciful and The most Beneficent, rewards you in return for doing a good deed. Family of the deceased or the dead himself may not be able to thank your for attending the Funeral but Allah does that for them. Quiet logical I guess!

Secondly, the friend asked what Sunnis think about women visiting graves, are women evil or dirty to attend a funeral or they are weak, fragile and sensitive?

If women were evil or dirty they wouldn’t be our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) wouldn’t have married them or would have killed his daughters like people of Makkah who used to bury their daughters alive. One of the evil pre-Islamic traditions was the practice of burying baby girls alive. This practice was stopped when the Prophet Muhammad came with the message of Islam. This pre-Islamic time is commonly known as the era of ignorance because the people lived without the knowledge of the values and principles of Islam. For this reason, the birth of a baby girl was something for a man to be ashamed of. Men thought that sons would bring more honor on them, their families, and their tribes while girls could potentially bring them and their tribes dishonor; therefore, many men buried their daughters alive.

If you study Islam carefully you would see great importance and respect given to women, whoever says otherwise is telling a lie and fabricating according to their own needs. Women should be treated with respect and in return women should also understand the importance of certain things which are prohibited for them, like not wearing a veil, or body hugging clothes etc. There is always a logical reason behind every prohibition be it for men or women…….

Likewise there is a reason for prohibiting women from visiting graves:

The correct view is that it is not allowed for women to visit graves, because of the hadeeth mentioned. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed women who visit graves. Women should stop visiting graves.

The woman who visited a grave out of ignorance (of this ruling) is not to blame, but she should not do it again. If she does so, she has to repent and seek forgiveness, and repentance cancels out whatever came before. Visiting graves is only for men.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Visit graves, for they will remind you of the Hereafter.” At the beginning of Islam, visiting graves was not allowed for men and women alike, because the Muslims were new in Islam and came from a background where grave-worship and attachment to the dead were widespread. So they were forbidden to visit graves as a preventative measure, to avoid evil and prevent shirk.

But once Islam was well-established and they understood Islam, Allah prescribed visiting the graves because of the lessons and reminders of death and the Hereafter involved in that, and so that they could make Dua’ for the deceased and pray for mercy for them.

Then Allah forbade woman to do that – according to the most correct of the two scholarly opinions – because they may present a temptation to men and even to themselves, and because they have little patience, Muslim scholars agree that weeping for the dead is permissible, whereas crying out loud and wailing are not.

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The one who is wailed for is tortured on account of it." Abu Musa is reported to have said: "I declare my disavowal of all that Allah's Messenger disavowed. The Messenger of Allah disavowed publicly a woman who mourns loudly, one who shaves her head, and the one who tears her clothes in mourning." they get too upset. So by His mercy and kindness towards them, Allah forbade them to visit graves. This is also a form of kindness towards the men, because if they were all to gather at the grave, this might cause fitnah (trial for men). So by His mercy, Allah forbade women to visit graves.

But with regard to the prayer (women praying the funeral prayer), there is nothing wrong with that. Women may join the funeral prayer. The prohibition applies only to visiting the graves.

Thirdly, Why Shiites Allow women to visit graves? Hmm this issue is a never ending story between Shia’s and Sunni’s, all I can say is if you have faith in Allah and The Prophet Muhammad( pbuh) then you don’t have to follow or listen to anyone else. When Allah said that He would protect Quran Himself, then we should have faith that no one can change it and we have to believe in it and if we believe in Prophet Muhammad’s character then we also have to believe that he wouldn’t make a mistake in choosing his wives and his companions. If we don’t believe in Prophet’s wives and his companions then we don’t believe in him. So, people have to make a choice Do you believe in Allah’s word, the Judgment of Prophet in choosing his wives and companions who preserved Islamic teachings. If yes then we should respect Aisha, Umar, Uthman, Abu Baker who Allah chose for the Prophet and these are the People who Prophet chose for himself.

The reason for mentioning the last part is that if your believe in all of them then there wont be any issues and conflicts regarding the Sayings of the Prophet, which make Islam very clear and if you just disrespect one of the Person from the companions for example Aisha (R.A) who was the most beloved wife of the Prophet after his wife Khadija then most of the laws will change cause Aisha has narrated most of his sayings. She was a great scholar of Prophets time.

Rest I leave you to decide…..

May Allah Guide us all to the straight path.. Ameen.