:S

trying not to fall into the deep sad mode. woke up with a sore throat. had some warm water and honey. cant go wrong with honey. things got worse. my nose has been dripping like a fauce that hasnt been turned properly. drip drip drip. its pink. nearly used more than half the tissue box. felt a bit feverish too. the chill outside doesnt help. the chill in my mind doesnt help.
not feeling good. read the Quran. re-read some surahs, try and see how much i remember the ones i read freqently.

sometimes i dont think i do enough ibadah. days like today. full or introspection.im upset with my self. make plans. will wake up for fajr promptly.not fall asleep holding the cell phone in my hand after switching the alarm off. try and read the quran after im done with my salah - not jump straight into bed and tightly close my eyes - willing sleep to return ASAP.

wakeup at eight. not at eleven.try and not waste my day and try not to upset my mom - [unintentionally ]- argh! i hate it when i do that. everytime i argue with my mom - i get worried my kids will be brats. its quite uspetting.im prayng to be a better, stronger person. some days i dont think ive suceeded.

but im gratelful, for my runny nose - for the siblings i argue with - cos i know at the end of the day i know i have a family who loves me. for my parents - who i dont always agree with but who i know care unconditionally. for the warm bed i have - cos there are people who sleep on the streets. the ability to be able to pick up the quran and read it - cos not everyone is blessed. even more so cos i read yesterday that a man would give anything he had to be able to turn a page of the quran. May Allah give him ajar for trying. everytime im lazy about reading the Quran- i think of him. Alhamdullilah that im born a muslim i dont know if i wouldve been guided or strong enough to revert even if i knew islam is the true religion. May Allah give all those people strength who are afraid to embrace islam.

I am grateful. Alhamdulilah. and i will never be able to count my blessings or be able to thank Allah for each and everyone one of them. But i'm grateful.....