Romance and Islam

I have been bombarded with lots of questions from my friends since I left my past behind, everyone thinks that when you turn to religion life becomes boring… All good Muslims do is fight, say this is forbidden and that is forbidden. One of my friends asked me what is your idea of Romance since you started to take your religion seriously. I told him nothing much has changed since I chose the path I am on, its just that few changes here and there sort out everything for me…. Then I had to give him an example to make him understand few things and I thought of sharing it with you all…..

Idea of a Romantic evening 2005 – (My Past Thoughts)

Occasion: A Romantic Date
Intention: Love or ……….
Date: Girlfriend – illegal, maybe temporary
Location: The Beach
Time: 8 pm full Moon
Background music: Violin
Dinner: Italian
Drinks: Wine – intoxicates, may lead you to something which you can regret later.

Idea of a Romantic Evening 2007 plus (my future thoughts)

Occasion: A Romantic Date
Intention: Love and Respect
Date: Wife – some one legal and a person you will spend the rest of your life with
Location: the beach
Time: 8 pm Full Moon
Background music: Sound of waves – Natural sound of water is by far romantic then someone playing violin at least you get to be alone…total privacy
Dinner: Italian or Arabic does it matter when you have a beautiful someone to share your food with
Drinks: Anything Virgin- At least they will keep you in your senses

So who says a good Muslim can’t be a romantic, it’s just that the mind set changes from illegal to legal. In fact it’s more rewarding to be romantic with your wife than your girl friend. With your wife you think of a long term relationship and romance helps you grow in a relationship further, with girlfriends it’s vice versa all romance in the beginning of your relationship and later complaining about not being romantic anymore.

If you compare between my past thoughts when I was not so good Muslim and Present when I am trying to be one, you won’t find much of a difference. Whatever difference you may find will make that romantic evening even better.

Place, location, full moon, food, and ideas nothing change, what changes is rights and wrongs. I wish people stop assuming things and stop taking people on face value, behind that veil and a beard are humans as every one is.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife" Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finallay, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Halaa."

Romance does play a very important part in a good muslims life

A Friend Asked

A friend asked:

Hi! I'm curious again to know a couple of things. 1.) How come in our religion it says to attendPeople’s funerals, it's very important? Why? 2.) Sunni's do not allow the woman to attend theBurial site, why? Shiites permit woman to attend, butI was informed several months ago that Sunnis do notPermit a woman to ever attend. Why is that? Are womenSeen as too evil and dirty to attend or they're tooFragile and sensitive to attend???

I would like to answer these questions in the simplest of answers because if you get in details it may lead to confusion. May Allah help me give the right answer.. Ameen

Firstly, in our religion it is important to attend funeral prayers as the Prophet (Pbuh) said:
“The rights of one Muslim over another Muslim are six… When you meet him, you greet him with the salaam (i.e. to say: “As-Salamu alaykum”), when he invites you, you accept his invitation, when he consults you in a matter, you give him sincere advice, when he sneezes and praises God, you ask God to have mercy on him, when he is sick, you visit him, and when he passes away you accompany him (through his funeral).” Related by Abu Hurayra in Saheeh Bukhari

In this Prophetic narration; we find that the Muslim is encouraged with concern for his brother in Islam during the three phases of his worldly existence: his health, sickness and his death.
Whilst in good health, the Muslim is obliged to greet his brother in faith with the greetings of peace and protection, to accept his invitations and to give him sincere advice.

Then, when the Muslim is suffering from a cold, an allergy or whatever else is causing him to sneeze, his brother in Islam is obliged to ask God to have mercy on him. Likewise, when the Muslim’s sickness is such that he is incapacitated, his brother in Islam is obliged to visit him.
Finally, when the Muslim passes away from this life, his brother in faith is obliged to accompany his funeral procession, prayer and burial.

Islam is a very logical religion in itself, if you see the logical and moral reasons for attending a funeral you would notice that if a person attends a funeral, there are all benefits and no harm at all:

Few Reasons:

You give respect to the dead and pray for his soul to rest in peace
You show brotherhood with a person even if he rest in peace
You bond with the family of the deceased and give them strength.
You remember your own death which has to come, so you can prepare for it.

So Allah, who is the most Merciful and The most Beneficent, rewards you in return for doing a good deed. Family of the deceased or the dead himself may not be able to thank your for attending the Funeral but Allah does that for them. Quiet logical I guess!

Secondly, the friend asked what Sunnis think about women visiting graves, are women evil or dirty to attend a funeral or they are weak, fragile and sensitive?

If women were evil or dirty they wouldn’t be our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) wouldn’t have married them or would have killed his daughters like people of Makkah who used to bury their daughters alive. One of the evil pre-Islamic traditions was the practice of burying baby girls alive. This practice was stopped when the Prophet Muhammad came with the message of Islam. This pre-Islamic time is commonly known as the era of ignorance because the people lived without the knowledge of the values and principles of Islam. For this reason, the birth of a baby girl was something for a man to be ashamed of. Men thought that sons would bring more honor on them, their families, and their tribes while girls could potentially bring them and their tribes dishonor; therefore, many men buried their daughters alive.

If you study Islam carefully you would see great importance and respect given to women, whoever says otherwise is telling a lie and fabricating according to their own needs. Women should be treated with respect and in return women should also understand the importance of certain things which are prohibited for them, like not wearing a veil, or body hugging clothes etc. There is always a logical reason behind every prohibition be it for men or women…….

Likewise there is a reason for prohibiting women from visiting graves:

The correct view is that it is not allowed for women to visit graves, because of the hadeeth mentioned. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed women who visit graves. Women should stop visiting graves.

The woman who visited a grave out of ignorance (of this ruling) is not to blame, but she should not do it again. If she does so, she has to repent and seek forgiveness, and repentance cancels out whatever came before. Visiting graves is only for men.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Visit graves, for they will remind you of the Hereafter.” At the beginning of Islam, visiting graves was not allowed for men and women alike, because the Muslims were new in Islam and came from a background where grave-worship and attachment to the dead were widespread. So they were forbidden to visit graves as a preventative measure, to avoid evil and prevent shirk.

But once Islam was well-established and they understood Islam, Allah prescribed visiting the graves because of the lessons and reminders of death and the Hereafter involved in that, and so that they could make Dua’ for the deceased and pray for mercy for them.

Then Allah forbade woman to do that – according to the most correct of the two scholarly opinions – because they may present a temptation to men and even to themselves, and because they have little patience, Muslim scholars agree that weeping for the dead is permissible, whereas crying out loud and wailing are not.

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The one who is wailed for is tortured on account of it." Abu Musa is reported to have said: "I declare my disavowal of all that Allah's Messenger disavowed. The Messenger of Allah disavowed publicly a woman who mourns loudly, one who shaves her head, and the one who tears her clothes in mourning." they get too upset. So by His mercy and kindness towards them, Allah forbade them to visit graves. This is also a form of kindness towards the men, because if they were all to gather at the grave, this might cause fitnah (trial for men). So by His mercy, Allah forbade women to visit graves.

But with regard to the prayer (women praying the funeral prayer), there is nothing wrong with that. Women may join the funeral prayer. The prohibition applies only to visiting the graves.

Thirdly, Why Shiites Allow women to visit graves? Hmm this issue is a never ending story between Shia’s and Sunni’s, all I can say is if you have faith in Allah and The Prophet Muhammad( pbuh) then you don’t have to follow or listen to anyone else. When Allah said that He would protect Quran Himself, then we should have faith that no one can change it and we have to believe in it and if we believe in Prophet Muhammad’s character then we also have to believe that he wouldn’t make a mistake in choosing his wives and his companions. If we don’t believe in Prophet’s wives and his companions then we don’t believe in him. So, people have to make a choice Do you believe in Allah’s word, the Judgment of Prophet in choosing his wives and companions who preserved Islamic teachings. If yes then we should respect Aisha, Umar, Uthman, Abu Baker who Allah chose for the Prophet and these are the People who Prophet chose for himself.

The reason for mentioning the last part is that if your believe in all of them then there wont be any issues and conflicts regarding the Sayings of the Prophet, which make Islam very clear and if you just disrespect one of the Person from the companions for example Aisha (R.A) who was the most beloved wife of the Prophet after his wife Khadija then most of the laws will change cause Aisha has narrated most of his sayings. She was a great scholar of Prophets time.

Rest I leave you to decide…..

May Allah Guide us all to the straight path.. Ameen.