Muslim and Muslima – The Fundamentalist Couple

Part 2 - About Sex Education in United Arab Emirates Schools and Else where

Recently, the couple had heard of children getting into illegal sexual activities at schools. They had also read about the growing concern to educate children about sex in various newspapers by people advocating Sex Education for students in UAE schools and other countries.

Their concern on the matter led to the following discussion.

Muslima: have you recently read the articles concerning the need for sex education in schools in UAE and other countries? A lot of people are confused to talk and teach their children about sex. I was just thinking, I would be a little apprehensive too. I mean, keeping in mind no one in my family or school taught me about it, so it would be a little difficult teaching my children about matters relating to sex and what Islam makes lawful or not.

Muslim: I understand your concern, but do you realise that the matter has more to do with our culture than the religion? In our culture, and so many other cultures parents don’t like to discuss this topic. Considering that sex has become a menace instead of being a highly respected relationship between a man and a woman. Illegal sexual relationships are casually propagated on T.V, while we stop our children from seeing or hearing about it. Both being extremes. Our tendency to keep them away from such immorality makes every child thinks that sex is a shameful act. Children by nature are curious and may have tendencies to commit acts which give them pleasure even if they are wrong, because they don’t know the difference between the right and wrong of their action. Neither are they educated about it by us on this particular topic since we don’t consider it culturally decent enough to talk about.

Muslima: So husband, point is we indirectly should be held accountable for our children’s transgression. Since, it is us who should be discussing theright and wrong of physical relationships with our children rather than expecting schools to teach them.

Muslim: Yes, we should be held accountable for it, because we give priority to our culture in instead of our religion. See, even if you don’t give sex education to your own children nowadays there is a 99% chance that they are going to learn about it from somewhere else. This can be negative sex education too. So even if it’s culturally shameful to talk about sex, it is better for us to help our children gain knowledge about it that will be beneficial in shaping their lives.

Muslima: Yes you are right, I realize now it’s all about culture. Sometimes humans have the tendency to pick up something which seems right but it has more to do with culture, while ignoring the fact that our Religion (Islam) teaches our children about sex from an early age and it talks openly about it. When Islam already teaches our children, then why do we expect schools to teach them? Instead we should take the initiative to teach them the Quran and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) because they describe every physical aspect of a man and a woman and rights and wrongs.

Muslim: yes, that’s the whole point. we are so much in to our culture that we tend to forget that Islam teaches us about abortion, complications of illegal sex, do’s and don’ts when women have menstrual cycles, It even teaches us pleasures of a legal intercourse and having children through it. Personal hygiene, supplications for legal intercourse, Islam even talks about sexual positions during the intercourse. Basically it fulfils the education on this matter that a child requires and we look for it somewhere else. If you study sex in Islam you will come to terms with every aspect of a physical relationship and its complications whether good or bad. It’s just that people have to understand that Islam does not restrict you to teach your children because Allah Himself teaches humans. So why are humans reluctant to spread the knowledge which is given by Allah Himself? Islam has taught us the need for sex education 1400 years back and all so called modern human beings haven’t come to terms with it yet. There is a need to teach our children about it and they are still trying to pass laws. When it is a very important part of a human being and all the religions of this world, I guess every religion on the face of earth teaches its followers the pros and cons of sexual relationships.

Muslima: Well having realised the importance of it all, and how much time other people waste
contemplating educating their children about sex even in this century, I won’t be wasting my time anymore. My laws were revealed 1400 years go I have no right to wait anymore. I will start teaching my kids from now on so they should know the rights and wrongs of it.

Muslim: I am happy that you would overlook culture and concentrate on the teachings of your religion. Surely religion has more to give you then the culture, which was created by humans. Humans usually come to terms with reality when it is too late, as you can see what children around us do. Turn to Allah cause he is the one who guides us all and will surely guide our children.

Enough for you is your Home

The words ‘Isolation’ and ‘Seclusion’ have a special meaning in our religion: to stay away from evil and its perpetrators, and to keep those who are foolish at a distance. When you seclude yourself from evil in this manner, you will have a opportunity to reflect, to think, to graze in the meadows of enlightment.

When you isolate yourself from things that divert you from Allah’s obedience, you are giving yourself a dose of medicine, one that doctors of the heart have found to be a most potent cure. When you seclude yourself from evil and idleness, your brain is stimulated into action. The results are increases in faith, repentance, and remembrance of Allah, the Most Merciful.

However, some gatherings are not only recommended, but necessary: the congregational prayer, circles of learning, and all gatherings of righteousness. As for gatherings wherein frivolity and shallowness prevail, be wary of them. Take flight from such gatherings, weep over your wrong doing, hold your tongue, and be content within the boundaries of your home. My mixing with others based on foolish motives, you endanger the stability and soundness of your mind, for the people you indiscriminately mix with are likely to be experts at wasting time, masters at spreading lies, and skilled in spreading both trouble and mischief.

Allah says:

“Had they marched out with you, they would have added to you nothing except disorder, and they would have hurried about in your midst (spreading corruption) and sowing sedition among you.” (Quran 9:47)

I advice you to fortify yourself to you purpose and isolate yourself in a room, except when you leave it to speak well or to do well. When you apply this advice, you will find that your heart has returned to you. So use your time well and save your life from being wasted. Hold your tongue from backbiting, free your heart from anxiety, and preserve your ears from profanity.

Is not He (Better than your gods), who responds to the distressed

Allah says:

“Is not He (better than your gods) who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him.” (Quran 27:62)

From Whom do the weak and the oppressed seek victory? Who does everyone beseech? He is Allah. None had the right to be worshipped except Him.

Therefore it is most advisable for you and I to invoke Him during difficult times during times of both hardship and ease, to seek shelter with Him in difficult times, and to plead at His doorstep with tears of repentance; then will His help and relief quickly arrive.

Allah says:

“Is not He (Better than you gods) who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him...” (Quran 27:62)

He saves the one who is drowning, gives victory to the oppressed, guides the misguided, cures the sick, and provides relief to the afflicted.

Allah says:

“And when they embark on a ship, they invoke Allah, making their Faith pure for Him only” (Quran 29:65)

As for the various supplications one makes to remove hardship, I refer you to the books of Sunnah, in them, you will learn prophetic supplications with which you can call to Allah, supplicate to Him, and seek His Aid. If you have found Him, then you have found everything. And If you lose your faith in Him, then you have lost everything. By supplicating to Him you are performing one of the highest forms of worship. If you are persistent and sincere in you supplication, you willl achieve freedom from worry and anxiety. All ropes are cut lose save His, and all doors are shut save His. His is near; He hears all and answer those who supplicate to Him.

Allah says:

“Invoke Me (and ask Me for anything), I will respond to your (Invocation).”
(Quran 40:60)

If you are living through affliction and pain, remember Allah, call out His name, and as Him, for help. Place your forehead on the ground an mention His Praises, so that you can obtain true freedom. Raise your hands in supplication, and ask of Him Constantly. Cling to His door, have good thoughts about Him, and wait for His help- you will then find true Happiness and success.

Verily, with hardship, there is relief

“Verily, with hardship, there is relief” (Quran 94:6)

Eating follows hunger, drinking follows thirst, sleep comes after restlessness, and health takes the place of sickness. The lost will find their way, the one in difficulty will find relief, and the day will follow the night.

Allah says:

“Perhaps Allah may bring a victory or a decision according to His Will” (Quran 5:52)

Inform the night of coming morning, the light of which will permeate the mountains and valleys. Give to the afflicted tidings of a sudden relief that will reach them with the speed of light or with the blinking of an eye.

If you see that the desert extends for miles and miles, then know that beyond that distance are green meadows with plentiful shade. If you see the rope tighten and tighten, know that it will snap.

Tears are followed by a smile, fear is replaced by comfort, and anxiety is over thrown by serenity. When the fire was set for him, Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) (pbuh) did not feel its heat because of the help he received from his Lord.

Allah says:

“We (Allah) said: ‘O’ fire! Be you coolness and safety for Ibrahim” (Quran 21:69)

The sea would not drown Prophet Moses (pbuh), because he uttered in confident, strong, and truthful manner:

“Nay, verily! With me is my Lord, He will guide me” (Quran 26:62)

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) told Abu Baker (ra) in the cave that Allah was with them – then peace and tranquility descended upon them.

Those that are slaves of the moment see only misery and wretchedness. This is because they look only ar the wall and door of the room, whereas they should look beyond such barriers as are set before them.

Therefore do not despair: it is impossible for things to remain the same. The days and years rotate, the future is unseen, and everyday Allah has matters to bring forth. You know it not, but it may be that Allah will afterwards bring some new thing to pass. And verily, with Hardship there is a Relief.

So don’t be sad :)

Pre-ordainment

Allah says:

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees – before We bring it into existence” (Quran 57:22)

The pen has dried, the pages have been lifted: all events that shall come to pass have already been written.

Allah says:

“Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us” (Quran 9:51)

Whatever has befallen you was not meant to escape you, and whatever has escaped you was not meant to befall you: if this belief were to be firmly ingrained in you heart then all hardship and difficulty would become ease and comfort.

The Prophet (pbuh) said:

“Whoever Allah wishes good for, He inflicts him (with hardship)”.

For this reason, do not feel overly troubled if you are afflicted with sickness, the death of a son or a loss in wealth. Allah has decreed these matters to occur and the decisions are His, and His alone. When we truly have faith, we shall be rewarded well and our sins shall be atoned for.

For those that are afflicted with disasters, glad tidings await them: so remain patient and happy with you Lord.

Allah says:

“He cannot be questioned as to what He does, while they will be questioned” (Quran 21:23)

You will never completely feel at ease until you firmly believe that Allah has already pre-ordained all matters. The pen has dried and with it has been written everything that will happen to you. Therefore do not feel remorse over that which is not in your hands. Do not think that you could have prevented these things, whether you wanted to or not.

All that has been pre-ordained shall come to pass.

Allah says:

“Then whosoever wills let him believe, and whosoever wills, let him disbelieve.” (Quran 18:29)

Surrender yourself: believe in preordainment, before pangs of anger and regret overwhelm you. If you have done all that was in your power, and afterwards what you had been striving against still takes place, have firm faith that it was meant to be. Do not say,’ had I done such and such, such and such would have happened,’ rather say “This is a decree of Allah, and what He wishes, He does,”

Don’t Be Sad :)

A Friend Asked

A friend asked:

Hi! I'm curious again to know a couple of things. 1.) How come in our religion it says to attendPeople’s funerals, it's very important? Why? 2.) Sunni's do not allow the woman to attend theBurial site, why? Shiites permit woman to attend, butI was informed several months ago that Sunnis do notPermit a woman to ever attend. Why is that? Are womenSeen as too evil and dirty to attend or they're tooFragile and sensitive to attend???

I would like to answer these questions in the simplest of answers because if you get in details it may lead to confusion. May Allah help me give the right answer.. Ameen

Firstly, in our religion it is important to attend funeral prayers as the Prophet (Pbuh) said:
“The rights of one Muslim over another Muslim are six… When you meet him, you greet him with the salaam (i.e. to say: “As-Salamu alaykum”), when he invites you, you accept his invitation, when he consults you in a matter, you give him sincere advice, when he sneezes and praises God, you ask God to have mercy on him, when he is sick, you visit him, and when he passes away you accompany him (through his funeral).” Related by Abu Hurayra in Saheeh Bukhari

In this Prophetic narration; we find that the Muslim is encouraged with concern for his brother in Islam during the three phases of his worldly existence: his health, sickness and his death.
Whilst in good health, the Muslim is obliged to greet his brother in faith with the greetings of peace and protection, to accept his invitations and to give him sincere advice.

Then, when the Muslim is suffering from a cold, an allergy or whatever else is causing him to sneeze, his brother in Islam is obliged to ask God to have mercy on him. Likewise, when the Muslim’s sickness is such that he is incapacitated, his brother in Islam is obliged to visit him.
Finally, when the Muslim passes away from this life, his brother in faith is obliged to accompany his funeral procession, prayer and burial.

Islam is a very logical religion in itself, if you see the logical and moral reasons for attending a funeral you would notice that if a person attends a funeral, there are all benefits and no harm at all:

Few Reasons:

You give respect to the dead and pray for his soul to rest in peace
You show brotherhood with a person even if he rest in peace
You bond with the family of the deceased and give them strength.
You remember your own death which has to come, so you can prepare for it.

So Allah, who is the most Merciful and The most Beneficent, rewards you in return for doing a good deed. Family of the deceased or the dead himself may not be able to thank your for attending the Funeral but Allah does that for them. Quiet logical I guess!

Secondly, the friend asked what Sunnis think about women visiting graves, are women evil or dirty to attend a funeral or they are weak, fragile and sensitive?

If women were evil or dirty they wouldn’t be our mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) wouldn’t have married them or would have killed his daughters like people of Makkah who used to bury their daughters alive. One of the evil pre-Islamic traditions was the practice of burying baby girls alive. This practice was stopped when the Prophet Muhammad came with the message of Islam. This pre-Islamic time is commonly known as the era of ignorance because the people lived without the knowledge of the values and principles of Islam. For this reason, the birth of a baby girl was something for a man to be ashamed of. Men thought that sons would bring more honor on them, their families, and their tribes while girls could potentially bring them and their tribes dishonor; therefore, many men buried their daughters alive.

If you study Islam carefully you would see great importance and respect given to women, whoever says otherwise is telling a lie and fabricating according to their own needs. Women should be treated with respect and in return women should also understand the importance of certain things which are prohibited for them, like not wearing a veil, or body hugging clothes etc. There is always a logical reason behind every prohibition be it for men or women…….

Likewise there is a reason for prohibiting women from visiting graves:

The correct view is that it is not allowed for women to visit graves, because of the hadeeth mentioned. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed women who visit graves. Women should stop visiting graves.

The woman who visited a grave out of ignorance (of this ruling) is not to blame, but she should not do it again. If she does so, she has to repent and seek forgiveness, and repentance cancels out whatever came before. Visiting graves is only for men.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Visit graves, for they will remind you of the Hereafter.” At the beginning of Islam, visiting graves was not allowed for men and women alike, because the Muslims were new in Islam and came from a background where grave-worship and attachment to the dead were widespread. So they were forbidden to visit graves as a preventative measure, to avoid evil and prevent shirk.

But once Islam was well-established and they understood Islam, Allah prescribed visiting the graves because of the lessons and reminders of death and the Hereafter involved in that, and so that they could make Dua’ for the deceased and pray for mercy for them.

Then Allah forbade woman to do that – according to the most correct of the two scholarly opinions – because they may present a temptation to men and even to themselves, and because they have little patience, Muslim scholars agree that weeping for the dead is permissible, whereas crying out loud and wailing are not.

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The one who is wailed for is tortured on account of it." Abu Musa is reported to have said: "I declare my disavowal of all that Allah's Messenger disavowed. The Messenger of Allah disavowed publicly a woman who mourns loudly, one who shaves her head, and the one who tears her clothes in mourning." they get too upset. So by His mercy and kindness towards them, Allah forbade them to visit graves. This is also a form of kindness towards the men, because if they were all to gather at the grave, this might cause fitnah (trial for men). So by His mercy, Allah forbade women to visit graves.

But with regard to the prayer (women praying the funeral prayer), there is nothing wrong with that. Women may join the funeral prayer. The prohibition applies only to visiting the graves.

Thirdly, Why Shiites Allow women to visit graves? Hmm this issue is a never ending story between Shia’s and Sunni’s, all I can say is if you have faith in Allah and The Prophet Muhammad( pbuh) then you don’t have to follow or listen to anyone else. When Allah said that He would protect Quran Himself, then we should have faith that no one can change it and we have to believe in it and if we believe in Prophet Muhammad’s character then we also have to believe that he wouldn’t make a mistake in choosing his wives and his companions. If we don’t believe in Prophet’s wives and his companions then we don’t believe in him. So, people have to make a choice Do you believe in Allah’s word, the Judgment of Prophet in choosing his wives and companions who preserved Islamic teachings. If yes then we should respect Aisha, Umar, Uthman, Abu Baker who Allah chose for the Prophet and these are the People who Prophet chose for himself.

The reason for mentioning the last part is that if your believe in all of them then there wont be any issues and conflicts regarding the Sayings of the Prophet, which make Islam very clear and if you just disrespect one of the Person from the companions for example Aisha (R.A) who was the most beloved wife of the Prophet after his wife Khadija then most of the laws will change cause Aisha has narrated most of his sayings. She was a great scholar of Prophets time.

Rest I leave you to decide…..

May Allah Guide us all to the straight path.. Ameen.

Do not expect gratitude from anyone

Allah, the Almighty, created His slaves so that they may worship and remember Him, and He provided sustenance for them so that they may be grateful to Him. Nevertheless, many have worshipped other than Him and the masses are thankful not to Him, but to others, because the characteristic of ingratitude is widespread among human beings. So do not be dismayed when you find that others forget you favors or disregard your kind acts. Some people might even despise you and make you an enemy for no other reason than that you have shown them kindness.

Allah says:

“And they could not find any cause to bear a grudge, except that Allah and His Messenger had enriched them of His bounty” (Quran 9:74)

From among the ever repeating pages of history is a story of a father and his son; the former raised him, fed him, clothed him and taught him; he would stay up nights so that his son could sleep, stay hungry so that his son could eat, and he would toil so that his son could feel comfort. And when the son became older and stronger, he rewarded his father with disobedience, disrespect, and contempt.

So be at peace if you are requited with ungratefulness for the good you have done, Rejoice in your knowledge that you will be rewarded from the One Who has unlimited treasures at His disposal,

This is not to say that you should refrain from performing acts of kindness towards others: the point is that you should be mentally prepared for ingratitude.

Perform acts of charity seeking Allah’s pleasure, because with this attitude you will assuredly be successful. The ungrateful person cannot really harm you: Praise Allah that that person is the transgressor and that you are the obedient servant. Also, remember that the hand that gives is better than the hand that receives.

Allah says:

“We feed you seeking Allah’s countenance only. We wish for no reward, nor thanks from you” (Quran 76:9)

Many people are shocked at the nature of ingratitude in others, as though they had never come across this verse and others like it:

Allah says:

“And when harm touches man, he invokes Us, lying down on his side, or sitting or standing. But then We have removed his harm from him, he passes on his way as if he had never invoked Us for a harm that touched him!”(Quran 10:12)

Hence do not be in a state of agitation if you give someone a pen as a gift and he uses it to satirize you, or if you give someone a walking stick to lean upon and he strikes you with it. As I pointed out earlier, most human beings are ungrateful to their Lord, so what treatment should you and I expect?

How to deal with bitter criticism

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people. You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war; it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect on others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.

And here is something you should contemplate; a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for-unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them.

Instead, forgive them by showing then the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

Allah says:

“Say: “Perish in our rage” (Quran 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

Contemplate and be thankful

I just started reading a book called Don’t Be Sad by Aaidh ibn Abdullah Al Qarni, I found that book very interesting and thought of sharing some of the topics, maybe they would make a difference to my life and your lives in some way. InShaAllah

The author writes:

Contemplate and be thankful

Remember the favors of Allah upon you and how they surround you from above and below – indeed, from every direction.

Allah says:

“And if you would count the graces of Allah, never could you be able to count them”
(Quran - Chapter 14 Verse 34)

Health, safety, nourishment, clothing, air and water – these all point to the world being yours, yet you do not realize it. You possess all that life has to offer, yet remain ignorant.

Allah Says:

“He has completed and perfected His graces upon you, (both) apparent (i.e. Islamic Monotheism, and the lawful pleasures of this world, including health, good looks etc) and hidden (i.e. one’s faith in Allah, guidance for doing righteous deeds and also the pleasures and delights of the Hereafter in Paradise etc)”
(Quran Chapter 31 Verse 20 )

You have at your disposal two eyes, a tongue, lips, two hands, and two legs.

Allah Says:

“Then which of the blessings of your Lord will you both (Jinn and men) deny?”
Quran Chapter 55 Verse 13)

Can you picture yourself walking without a feet? Should you take it lightly that you slumber soundly while misery hinders the sleep of many? Should you forget that you fill yourself with both delicious dishes and cool water while the pleasure of good food and drink is impossible for some, due to sickness and disease? Consider the faculties of hearing and seeing with which you have been endowed. Look at your healthy skin and be grateful that you have been saved from diseases that attack it. Reflect on your powers of reasoning and remember those that suffer from mental ailments.

Would you sell your ability to hear and see for the weight of Mount Uhud in gold, or your ability to speak for huge castles? You have been given abundant favors, yet you feign ignorance. Notwithstanding warm bread, cool water, easy sleep, and good health, you remain despondent and depressed; you think about what you do not have and are ungrateful for what you have been given. You are troubled by the loss of wealth, yet you have the key to happiness and many blessings, Contemplate and be Thankful;

Allah Says:

“And also in your own selves (are signs), will you not then see?”
(Quran – Chapter 51 Verse 21)

Reflect upon yourself, your family, your friends, and the entire world that is around you.

Allah says:

“They recognize that grace of Allah, yet they deny it “
(Quran Chapter 16 Verse 83)